A Life of Tom

There once was a young man named Tom. Tom had made his childhood very tough, and had spent many years in self-made depressions. After fighting these bouts off for years and years, he finally rose above them and found himself alone on a plain of sheer happiness. No matter what happened in life, he could find the best in it and knew at all times that he could handle things and, thus, believed in himself so strongly that he had true control over his negative emotions.

Being on this high point of positivity, he looked around him and saw that he knew no one else that was at such peace with themselves and the world. He believed, perhaps with little pretentiousness, that he could help these people; he thought that they would all want to be happy as he was. He began to live for other people's wellbeing above his own, taking the brunt of the negative emotion in stride and coaxing them to better themselves and find the good in them. Tom spread no ill will, even to those who flagrantly wronged him and felt, probably arrogantly, that he was better than them because of it. Meeting with much success, Tom enjoyed his life and honestly felt very important to the lives of the people around him.

After graduating high school, Tom went off to college, full of exuberance for all of the new people he would meet. He went to all the parties and made at least the acquaintance of everyone on his floor and the one above him. Not being interested in the excesses of drinking and drugs, Tom was also a very useful person to have around as he knew how to take care of the needy and was always well enough and ready to do so. This was something he was proud of. Soon, he fell in love with a very nice young lady who he had taken care of and was determined to win her over. He did, filling him with even more excitement for the year. He had a whole new group of friends, a constant companion, and felt he was finally going somewhere in his life.

Six months later, the cloud which had lifted him so high was quickly dissipating. The friends he had made in the beginning of the year all but ignored him, the relationship which made him so happy was leading him down a path he feared, and he had failed almost all of his classes. At the end of winter term, he had a nervous breakdown and barely got out of bed for weeks. Only with the intervention of his parents and lots of love from his mate did Tom stay in school and climb painfully from the hole that he himself had dug. He was determined to not allow himself to ever fall into that life again; he had abandoned it years ago and had nearly forgotten all of the lessons that had made the preceding years so happy and near pain free.

Things did get a bit better. Tom decided to work at a job he loved and went to only part time classes. He had found a professor whom he really got along with and thought might help him become a professional artist, something which he had always dreamed of. Tom and his lady broke up, but stayed close friends and lovers; barely anything changed, but he was no longer going in a direction that displeased him. He had made real friends and was busy dedicating his time to them, as well as some of his friends back at home who had fallen on hard times. He looked toward Summer with excitement and felt so clear of the drama which had cast a shadow over his life only months prior.

The Summer would not be as joyous as anticipated. It began with another lady friend. Tom had been there for her while she was in a relationship with someone who was bad for her. He had given praise, advice, and an ever-open ear to hear out her ills; Few people had someone to talk to about their problems and, since Tom was on level footing, he offered such a privilege to everyone he knew, thinking that not only would it help them, but also endear him to their hearts, making them feel grateful to have such a wonderful friend as he. This lady was to test that idea. Once she was clear of her previous relationship, Tom very quickly and daftly moved in; Not as a predator, but as someone who would be good for her. He knew he was a good mate; Tom would do anything for his companion, no matter what tax it bore on him, assuming the same treatment would be returned to him.

The fatal flaw was that it wasn't returned and Tom began to realize that many of the connections he had made over the many years since he began his crusade for world happiness were one-sided; He was being used by many of the people he had worked so hard to please and to comfort. Even worse, Tom saw that his loving nature is what had driven so many people away that year. Few of those he called would respond to him and those that did often made excuses or stood him up because he cared too much. Many people were uncomfortable or just downright disliked being looked after and worried over. Others suspected ulterior motives and hidden agendas to Tom's actions. He was nearly universally distrusted and avoided except for by those who saw him as a tool to fulfill their own selfish desires. They cared little for him and were cruel.

These realizations came almost all at once and it was nearly too much for him to bear. The pit below him opened it's black jaws again and, though he tried very diligently to cling to hope, Tom began to let it best him. The thought that people did not want someone so caring in their life was disheartening to him. His intentions were honest and true and he only wished to help people and that was costing him their friendship and his happiness. Those few around him that did care for him told him to change. “It's not worth it,” they said, “Just stop caring. You can't save these people, Tom. You have to look out for yourself first.”

Tom didn't want to change. He was the friend every person said they wanted and he was good to the world. Why should he take a step back and begin treating people worse? He found himself with little choice, though, and became, consciously, very jaded. He began to put his needs above those around him and did not do nice things for them anymore. Tom said hurtful things to those who had wronged him and treated those he didn't like with disrespect. He was cruel to people on a whim and enjoyed poking fun at them with others. And others there were. He found himself to quickly be very popular, even becoming liked by those who had previously spurred him. He found it was much easier to make friend by looking down on everything and being a generally hilarious elitist.

The saddest thing about Tom's life is that he was happy to have become the person he did. He enjoyed standing atop the broken egos of his enemies and friends alike and, for perhaps the first time in his life, thought that he was honestly better than those around him. Through betraying his desire to help people, Tom was filled with hollow happiness and never once cried again.

For those who are reading this, it is probably most apparent that it is about my own life. I am at Tom's moment of change and, having seen the returns on even just the little jadedness that I have tested with, I know this to be one possible path. Whether I will take it or not is still being decided.